Maintain the Pain

Shhh....

I'm going to let you in on a little secret. How to be a caregiving pro.

Come closer. I really want you to hear this.

You ready? Here's the secret to being the perfect caregiver for your loved one.

YOU WILL NEVER MASTER IT.

Get used to hitting yourself in the hand with a hammer and this level of pain because it doesn't go away.

Got it?

Let it sink in.

Take it to heart.

Every time I think I have it figured it the goal line is moved, the game changes or I figure out I've been playing the wrong sport the entire time, because in the game of caregiving it's important to maintain the pain.

It's been this way since the beginning.

The game starts with helping around the house & simple errands and then you look up and you're doing all the shopping, managing both households, paying all of Lil Bit's bills and realize when you get the nasty letter that you forgot to pay your mortgage this month.

Everything was calm and seemed under control for a bit - Mom was still able to drive and life seemed good until I drive down and find the brand new car's driver side headlight smashed to bits and part of a Sonic menu board showing a strawberry shake still stuck in it and it's time to have the no more driving for you talk.

I'll discover what Lil Bit can eat easily with her post polio driven esophagus and stomach issues, get everything made and ordered only to have her no longer be able eat anything solid two weeks later.

I'll have the monthly help schedule figured out only to realize we need overnight care for Momma or have a fucking pandemic hit.

One ache is soothed to only have three more take it's place. Like some kind of demented hydra of hurting. Get a nice relationship built with that doctor? Time to see a new one.

Everything changes just when you are getting the hang of it. The caregiving wheel keeps turning.

The true secret to caregiving?

Hold on tight, do your best, say I love you a lot and don't expect to win.

This game is rigged and there are no winners.

Because in caregiving the game isn't over until its really over.