Hot in Here

Lil Bit has always liked things warm.

Not warm.

Hot.

Like REALLY hot.

She has a very valid reason, but that doesn't really make it any easier on those who suffer in silence while with her.

Ever since she had polio as a child, Momma's circulation is poor, which causes her to get cold easier than most.

I can remember as a kid the house always being warm and Lil Bit always having an electric blanket on her bed even during the summer. It'd be 100 degrees outside and you would find her happier than can be in the hot tub.

Once when we were driving to the lake just the two of us I sat in the backseat the whole two hour drive with my window down because it was so darn hot in the car. I take cold showers when I stay with her and have been known to walk outside in snow storms to cool off.

I can remember tales of scrub nurses who were sent to get hot tea and a sterilized electric blanket so Momma could warm up during long, complicated surgeries. To her the best day ever was when clothing lines started making thermal wear and she could stock up on thermal silks that could be sterilized with her scrubs for surgery.

And this affinity for heat has gotten worse as she has aged. No longer content with just an electric blanket we now sleep on a heated bed pad, under an electric blanket and with two fleece blankets. All while the thermostat in the house is set on 78 degrees.

We have tried all the heat gear - copper infused, reflective, fleece, cotton, wool, bison hair, and more. When we find something that works we wear it until it falls apart and you can be damned sure that I buy in bulk.

And the lengths that The Saint, The Angel and I go to to keep her warm are varied and no less than monumental.

The Saint has insulated the house until we can't insulate any more, replaced doors and searched for drafts like they were a leprechaun's pot of gold. He's more hot natured than me so just sitting in Lil Bit's house is torture for him. But he does it with a smile and then opens the windows at our house when it is 20 degrees outside. It averages itself out right?

The Angel can fix hot tea or jello in 15 seconds flat, power up a space heater with a twinkle of her eye and always knows just the perfect coat or hat to keep Lil Bit warm while outside.

I once pulled strings to talk to the VP of Development at a clothing company to complain about them discontinuing her favorite thermal underwear and somewhere in Nebraska is an alpaca that is bald because I have bought so many pairs of alpaca wool socks from it's family farm because Lil Bit swears they are the only socks that keep her feet warm.

We all take extreme precautions to keep her warm.

Ona recent cold day I put on my standard go to Lil Bit's house outfit of a t-shirt and shorts even though it was 40 degrees outside. You dress for a heatwave inside the house no matter what the weather is outside.

All I can think about as I walk into the house is it's getting hot in here and the heat is still rising as the first beads of sweat break out on my forehead.

Soon as I walked from the door to the bedroom to say good morning, I could feel a large bead form between my shoulder blades and then pick up numerous friends as it started to roll down my back.

Momma says she is cool so I make hot tea and check the thermostat. No change but I check the entire system to make sure for her. Soon, while cleaning the house I am completely drenched and take the trash out just to be able to breath.

Good thing I brought a second and a third t-shirt, I think as I change post cleaning. It's starting to warm up so I suggest we take a ride to get a sweet tea.

Lil Bit has on three layers but we go ahead and put on our North Face jacket, wool hat and gloves for the short scooter ride to the garage. I've already pre-heated the car and turned on her seat heater to thermonuclear.

As we head down The Hellmouth's main drag, her side of the climate control is set on 85 with the seat heater on high while mine is on 65 with the cooler on. Whoever invented dual climate control is my hero.

Once we get our sweet tea with no ice, it's gotten warm enough for us to work outside so we head out into the garden to plant flowers, dig holes, weed, fill bird feeders and water. We work for a couple of hours and I notice that Lil Bit, like Hansel and Gretel, is leaving a trail of discarded clothing the longer she works in the garden that I can follow in case I should happen to lose her.

After a while, all the tea and water I have been shoving in front of her and we head in to the bathroom. I break a sweat the moment I walk in the door and grab another liter of water to drink to ward off dehydration from Lil Bit's sauna.

Soon Lil Bit scooters back out into the living room and asks, ever so sweetly with no hint of irony, "is something wrong. It's awfully hot in here. Can you take care of that hon?"