At Last

Dementia can be a funny thing.

The stories, words and thoughts that it leaves. And those that it chooses to wipe away.

Lil Bit can not remember the names of her favorite flowers...it's amaryllis by the way. Her favorite drinks have become the white (milk) or the good stuff (extra sweet, sweet tea). Names are stolen and the days ran together even before COVID-19.

But she can regale me in great detail about the first time she rode her horse Salty - the color of his hair, the trees and the saddle, the feel of the fall wind on her face, the sounds and the smells.

She can also describe to me in great detail how to do a pancreaticoduodenectomy. Like I could have Lil Bit on the phone while I'm in an OR with a gun to my head and no surgical training and could probably do it is how much she can remember.

You see my Momma is a surgeon. Practiced for 50 years as a general surgeon.

She was a GOD in the OR. Nurses feared her, other doctors turned to her and patients revered her.

Many lives were saved or changed because of Lil Bit.

But the road to get there was rough.

First there was the polio as a child. Then there was paying her own way through college at Oklahoma College for Women - saving money from animals she would show in 4-H as well as scholarships.

She was a very good student but biological chemistry became her kryptonite. Not sure why because everything else was a breeze and that one class ate her lunch. I only learned this when my sophomore year in college I took too many hours and brought home five As and an F. Scared to death to show it to her but she blew it off, said "I flunked a course once and then set the curve the next time."

Lil Bit's 1965n class was the last ALL female class from OCW before they started admitting men and changed their name to Oklahoma College for Liberal Arts.

You know where this is going right?

Momma was accepted to the University of Oklahoma Medical School and was one of only ten women admitted that year. Ten out of hundreds. It was the Boys club with a capital B.

Pranks were pulled on the women. They were called little lady. The women were asked if they were going to pass out at the site of blood or be able to cut into the cadaver.

Having grown up on a farm Lil Bit had seen more blood and been in tougher situations than most of all the men combined. She picked up her scalpel and dissected the shit out of that cadaver.

Soon the time came to choose a speciality. Momma had always wanted to be a surgeon...the machoest of the macho when it comes to doctors. When she would tell advisors and classmates she would hear:

- Women aren't capable of surgery. They don't have the hands or skills for it.

- Honey, you'll want to have kids so why don't you choose something more fitting for being a mom.

- There's never been a woman admitted to the surgery program and there won't be any.

- No one will want a woman surgeon to operate on them.

- Women don't have the stamina

- You won't be able to hack it and will drop out.

'

Despite being in the top of her class, they told her no.

Lil Bit can be quite stubborn now when she sets her mind on something. And she has softened in her old age. She was a fucking force of nature getting her way when younger.

She lobbied. She cajoled. She bargained. I'm sure there was also some begging, borrowing and stealing.

Finally, a more enlightened man took a chance and admitted her to the OU Surgical Program as the first woman to the program. She now had the surgical scalpel in her hand and NO ONE was going to take it away from her.

She became a star in the program, traveled around the world to help others as a volunteer, and then came back to Chickasha to practice. (side note it would be another 9 years before they admitted another woman to the surgical program.

And guess what greeted Momma on her first day?

- As she walked into the surgical wing a male doctor asked her "Are you lost little lady? The nurses change downstairs. It's men only up here in surgery."

- There was no place for her to change into her scrubs.

- Another male surgeon refused to work with her thinking she would "curse" his OR.

- Scrub nurses accused her of being "a bossy bitch, who didn't know her place."

And the sexism continued. For years.

Men would refuse to be treated by a woman.

Male surgeons would ask if she was coming back to surgery after having me or was going to transfer to something easier.

Other doctors and patients would hit on her, make comments about her looks or call her a ball buster to her face. They would try to pay her less.

With with her relentless grace, focus on healing and gritty determination she won (most of) them over but it also took a take no prisoners attitude.

Do or say something sexist or racist around her? Lil Bit would take you head off.

Say it was just how it was or it's always been like this? Her response was "that was then; This is now; That's not how it is - not in my office or my OR."

Momma never took credit for being a trailblazer for busting a glass ceiling in Oklahoma. She never wanted the credit or accolades. She just wanted to heal people and be a surgeon.

But as more and more women entered the profession, as women started to outnumber the men in medical school classes, as women were nominated to the Supreme Court, began to run and win offices across the nation, ran corporations and a woman was sworn in as Vice President of the United States her response was a simple...

..."at last."